Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
