i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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