i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
