but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
