Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
