party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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