The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
