So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
did i just pee glitter
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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