guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
