I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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