Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
