New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
