Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
