I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
