No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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