Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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