john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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