If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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