great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
