Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he fucked my hip out of place.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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