I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
