it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
even my farts smell like vagina
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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