Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
