The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
