I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
