yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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