It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
