I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
