You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
