Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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