Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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