sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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