Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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