I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I checked into jail on foursquare
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
