How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
