I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Your penis caused this!
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