Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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