Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
