do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
