My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
