I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
