her vagine was all disorganized.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
