k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
