the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
