i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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