this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
