The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
