I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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