Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
