new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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