She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I will pee on everything he values.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
