the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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